Sperm Donor Day

This weekend is my weekend and it happens to fall on the weekend of Father’s Day. Great. I am going to get about a day with my daughter on MY weekend. When we discussed the previous week, he tried to be sly and slip in “Oh, I might as well have her the whole weekend hahaha”. Are you fucking kidding me? Um negative compadre. So we agree that he will get her Saturday afternoon after he is done moving instead of Friday night.

I am rather on the cool side when it comes to his dumb ass when I shouldn’t. Instead of having a set time, I go with the flow. Didn’t realize it would bite me in the ass later on. Saturday afternoon turned into Saturday morning because of a birthday party. I am all for letting her celebrate birthdays but I am pretty sure this party wasn’t announced Saturday at 9 am. For some reason he doesn’t think he has to communicate with me. He is in for a rude awakening.

Sperm Donor- What time is good?

Me- Later today as discussed.

SD- Well it is XXXX’s birthday at noon

Me- Um should have told me sooner but 11:30 will be okay if I can get her back at 5pm or 6pm.

SD- Okay. Can we do 10:30?

Me- Nope, we are still hanging out. But I want her back at either 5pm or 6pm

SD- Okay. 10:30 (notice how he says okay)

ME- Can you not read? I said no to 10:30

SD- What about 11?

ME- Fine. 11 will do.

So after I do him this favor, he decides to tell me that he is not the one that is going to be picking up Jo and that his mother-in-law is. I have nothing against the woman but what the fuck? You do not tell me FIVE minutes before pickup time that someone else is going to be picking up my daughter. But whatever, it is father’s day tomorrow and I don’t want Jo to be jipped out of spending time with her sister because her father is a complete loser.

Of course, when I try to confirm drop off times, he ignores me. Finally calls me hours later and informs me when he is dropping her off. Apparently, he calls the shots. “I am dropping her off Monday morning at school”. Excuse me what? No you will not. You will have her to me as discussed. “We never discussed a drop off time.” Are you fucking kidding me? Saying okay is confirmation you dick wipe. We go back and forth until he says “that is what court papers say”. Oh really, well humpty dumpty, how about you read the court papers because that is not what it says. So you can drop her off with me at 8pm Sunday night. He agrees and hangs up on me. If you are going to threaten me with court papers than at least know what they say. Seriously.

More kids you can't support

Ever laughed so hard because of what someone said and you couldn’t stop?

Well I had one of those days last week when my ex went to pick up our daughter at the gym. He made a comment about wanting to go out to dinner with hm. I just gave him a look because I already wants something or wants to make a deal.

After looking at him in confusion for a few minutes he informed that it wasn’t for a romantic purpose. No shit? Well thanks for crushing my dreams of getting back together asshole!

Me- Duh, but you do want something. What you want to stop paying child support?

He rambled some incoherent thought and went on talking about how is going to help pay for all medical and help pay for school and blah blah blah….. By this time I was zoning out because he is a joke and hasn’t helped pay for shit. Why would he start? It’s the same song and dance everytime.

Finally, he made a comment about settling for back child support. “So if you want $1000 dollars, I will write a check out for $1000 and we will call it is a deal”.

Me- Whoa whoa whoa. You owe me over $6000 in back child support, Why in the fuck would I settle for $1000. You seriously don’t get it. Unlike some people, I am not giving into you. What the fuck is in it for you. Did you knock up your bitch again?

I should have known the answer those two fools are so fucking dumb. At this time, busting up laughing in the middle of the gym and couldn’t stop. He asked if I was done and I kept laughing and I finally stopped and said I was done.

His memorable quote of the day was “she was on birth control”.

Me- hahah yeah sure she was. The pull-out method is not birth control.

Jack- We didn’t use the pull-out method

Me- Yeah okay. Your baby with her is 3 months old sure. You can’t even support your first 2 children let alone your third and now you are bringing a 4^th into your shitty situation.

Jack- I can support them at my house

Me- hahahahah a whole whopping 6 days out of the entire month.  I would hope you can support your daughters at your house fuck nuts. What a fucking accomplishment.

Jack- Well paying for three households is what kills me

Me- Excuse me what? First of all $300 a month doesn’t even pay for daycare. So please explain how you are paying for three households? Just because you pay $600 a month for two people doesn’t mean you are supporting those two people.  Even if your whacked theory was correct you have to actually pay support in order to say that.

Jack’s second memorable quote – We are trying to better ourselves.

Me- Quit having fucking kids…. I know amazing. And I am not trying to better myself? Selfish bastard.

Jack- Well I am getting cut

Me- Good…. You should have done it 2 years ago. But at least you still  have three baby mamas!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahah……. I walked away calling him a fucking moron. I think we entertained the entire gym because all the workers were laughing at his sorry ass. Trying to better ourselves? Hahah really? Yeah well me too and I can’t do that because her medical bills and everything else cost so damn much that I am forced to stay at my parents house. Maybe, just maybe if you actually paid your child support, you wouldn’t be in the arrears. Just a suggestion.

Child Support Schmild Support

Apparently a court order to pay child support doesn’t means shit these days, unless you want to file loads of paper, which only gets you a court mediator. In the past six months, I have probably gotten $300 total. Three hundred dollars, are you freaking kidding me? By all means, don’t break your wallet giving me all that money at once. It wasn’t like it was $300 all at once; it was spread out during those six months.

Why should I have to ask for child support? It doesn’t change each week. Every month, it is the same amount. It’s not like he has to wait for confirmation. It is court ordered that he is to pay through wage assistance. Wage assistance is a lovely term of saying garnishment. If his employer changes and/or his address, he is to notify the clearing house of the change within ten days. Failure to do so will result in contempt of court. Well, it’s been 6 months and he hasn’t notified anybody of anything. Apparently, he is able to pay whatever he wants whenever he wants like he runs how child support works.

I am not the child support mommy and it shouldn’t be my job to enforce child support. I shouldn’t have to file papers and pay fees in order to get child support. I shouldn’t have to waste my days filling out forms and tracking down different ways to enforce child support. He needs to man up and take responsibility for his actions. I don’t give a fuck if he has another child on the way. That is his fault, not mine. I know how to take birth control, wrap it up, or not even have sex. I know, it’s an amazing concept.

After the few personal checks that he gave me for child support, I informed him that he needs to get everything straight with the clearing house or he is in contempt of court and his personal checks will mean jack when it comes to paid child support. Of course, he is the smartest person EVER to grace this wonderful planet and tries to explain to me how the court order works and what he can and cannot do. This is what I have to say to the lovely sperm donor of my child.

“Well Buster Brown, read the fucking court order again because you look like a jack ass when you open mouth before you do your research. You see Mr. Fancypants, when you write out personal checks for child support, the courts don’t acknowledge them. They are considered gifts. You would know that if you actually read that court ordered. See, I actually read the court order and I highlighted the main points. That means, I know what is in the court order and I know what is not in the court order. I know when you make shit up. I’m not as dumb as I look, and I am not a very dumb-looking person. That’s right – I’m smarter than you think I am; I use semicolons. I wasn’t born yesterday. In fact, I was born many, many days ago. “

So once again, I make him look like a complete tool (which isn’t that hard) when I inform him how right I am. I love that feeling. After the convo, he gets somewhat smart and tells me that he will give me a money order. I go to Wally World and meet him to get the money.  When I get there, he is waiting in line so I take the opportunity to talk to him. Here is how our convo is up.

Me- You need to change your information with the clearing house or I will take you back to court. I am done messing with this nonsense. Man up and take responsibility.

Jack- Oh that sounds like fun.

Me- Yeah, it will probably be better  than the first time we went to court and my lawyer owned you. Because this time, I have a lot more shit against you which the judge will LOVE.

Jack- Whatever, that was bullshit and you know it.

Me- Hahahha sure thing princess. You can buy new clothes, shoes, hats, and everything else but you don’t’ have money for your daughter. That is awesome.

Jack- This hat was $15 dollars.

Me- hahhaha seriously? I am not an idiot. I was with you for quite awhile and you suck at lying. That hat is brand new and the style just came out a month ago so let’s try this again.

Jack- I don’t have to explain myself to you.

Me- As well you shouldn’t. You just have to give me child support and follow court orders.

Curtis- Well, I will just have to take you back to court in February to get child support lowered.

Me- Just because you reproduce like rabbits doesn’t mean they are automatically going to lower child support. They still have to take account in your new job and my new job and everything else.

Jack- You have several degrees they will take in account your earning potential and I only have a high school education.

Me- Yes, and we are also in a recession and I go to grad school full time. And last I checked, a plumber makes bank so it doesn’t matter if you have a high school education or not. Your profession is a plumber.

Curtis- Doesn’t matter, I have a high school education.

Me- Okay, whatever you say. You have to do what you got to do then.

By this time he is pissed. Hahahha, Seriously, how does one talk to him without busting out laughing? I tried so hard not to laugh. It didn’t work, but I tried. That’s what counts right?!?!? I used to get so pissed off at him but now I can’t help but laugh at his doucheyness.