Apparently a court order to pay child support doesn’t means shit these days, unless you want to file loads of paper, which only gets you a court mediator. In the past six months, I have probably gotten $300 total. Three hundred dollars, are you freaking kidding me? By all means, don’t break your wallet giving me all that money at once. It wasn’t like it was $300 all at once; it was spread out during those six months.
Why should I have to ask for child support? It doesn’t change each week. Every month, it is the same amount. It’s not like he has to wait for confirmation. It is court ordered that he is to pay through wage assistance. Wage assistance is a lovely term of saying garnishment. If his employer changes and/or his address, he is to notify the clearing house of the change within ten days. Failure to do so will result in contempt of court. Well, it’s been 6 months and he hasn’t notified anybody of anything. Apparently, he is able to pay whatever he wants whenever he wants like he runs how child support works.
I am not the child support mommy and it shouldn’t be my job to enforce child support. I shouldn’t have to file papers and pay fees in order to get child support. I shouldn’t have to waste my days filling out forms and tracking down different ways to enforce child support. He needs to man up and take responsibility for his actions. I don’t give a fuck if he has another child on the way. That is his fault, not mine. I know how to take birth control, wrap it up, or not even have sex. I know, it’s an amazing concept.
After the few personal checks that he gave me for child support, I informed him that he needs to get everything straight with the clearing house or he is in contempt of court and his personal checks will mean jack when it comes to paid child support. Of course, he is the smartest person EVER to grace this wonderful planet and tries to explain to me how the court order works and what he can and cannot do. This is what I have to say to the lovely sperm donor of my child.
“Well Buster Brown, read the fucking court order again because you look like a jack ass when you open mouth before you do your research. You see Mr. Fancypants, when you write out personal checks for child support, the courts don’t acknowledge them. They are considered gifts. You would know that if you actually read that court ordered. See, I actually read the court order and I highlighted the main points. That means, I know what is in the court order and I know what is not in the court order. I know when you make shit up. I’m not as dumb as I look, and I am not a very dumb-looking person. That’s right – I’m smarter than you think I am; I use semicolons. I wasn’t born yesterday. In fact, I was born many, many days ago. “
So once again, I make him look like a complete tool (which isn’t that hard) when I inform him how right I am. I love that feeling. After the convo, he gets somewhat smart and tells me that he will give me a money order. I go to Wally World and meet him to get the money. When I get there, he is waiting in line so I take the opportunity to talk to him. Here is how our convo is up.
Me- You need to change your information with the clearing house or I will take you back to court. I am done messing with this nonsense. Man up and take responsibility.
Jack- Oh that sounds like fun.
Me- Yeah, it will probably be better than the first time we went to court and my lawyer owned you. Because this time, I have a lot more shit against you which the judge will LOVE.
Jack- Whatever, that was bullshit and you know it.
Me- Hahahha sure thing princess. You can buy new clothes, shoes, hats, and everything else but you don’t’ have money for your daughter. That is awesome.
Jack- This hat was $15 dollars.
Me- hahhaha seriously? I am not an idiot. I was with you for quite awhile and you suck at lying. That hat is brand new and the style just came out a month ago so let’s try this again.
Jack- I don’t have to explain myself to you.
Me- As well you shouldn’t. You just have to give me child support and follow court orders.
Curtis- Well, I will just have to take you back to court in February to get child support lowered.
Me- Just because you reproduce like rabbits doesn’t mean they are automatically going to lower child support. They still have to take account in your new job and my new job and everything else.
Jack- You have several degrees they will take in account your earning potential and I only have a high school education.
Me- Yes, and we are also in a recession and I go to grad school full time. And last I checked, a plumber makes bank so it doesn’t matter if you have a high school education or not. Your profession is a plumber.
Curtis- Doesn’t matter, I have a high school education.
Me- Okay, whatever you say. You have to do what you got to do then.
By this time he is pissed. Hahahha, Seriously, how does one talk to him without busting out laughing? I tried so hard not to laugh. It didn’t work, but I tried. That’s what counts right?!?!? I used to get so pissed off at him but now I can’t help but laugh at his doucheyness.
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