Sweet Revenge

Jack always likes to brag about his current situation and let me know how happy he is. I know. So sweet of him. He is always keeping tabs on me through various people, like Whoreen and my friends. Apparently, Whoreen and all my friends went to Jack to express their concern about how unhappy I am and how much I miss Jack.  This prompts Jack to call me up and apologize for all the shit he has put me through. What a gentlemen. “I know I had women all over the place, and I am sorry for not letting you know right away about all the women I was with while I was with you.” HAHAHAHAHAH What the fuck kind of apology is this and why is he apologizing.  I ask why is he apologizing to me and he tells me because he knows how unhappy I am and how apologizing might help me move on. It’s about god damn time. Thank you so much for apologizing and informing me of all the hookers you fucked during our years together. I can now move on with my life because you finally were man enough to admit all this. Hahah are you fucking kidding me?

My response- Thanks Jack. I appreciate your apology but I have a boyfriend so I think I have moved on. But thank you for clearing the air. Since I have you on the phone, I might as well clear the air too. It’s not fair that you come out looking like the complete asshole. You see, while you were out hooking up with girls all over the state, I had my fun as well. When I realized that you were going out fucking all these whores, I automatically assumed we had an open relationship. This open relationship we had made it possible for me to have many men on the side as well. So don’t think I was sitting at home doing nothing while you were out and about with your “boys”.

Jack- WTF?!?! We didn’t have an open relationship.

Me- Oh, we didn’t? Well this is awkward… I guess I will see you when you pick up our daughter.

I hung up and just waited for what was to come next. I never cheated on him but it was great to make him think that. All of a sudden, Jack and ID were blowing up Jack’s brother’s phone and bitching and complaining about how I cheated on him. They couldn’t believe that I was bitching about Jack doing it when I did it as well. The conversation must have went on for 30 minutes for each of them. It made me feel so good inside knowing that still stress over what I say or what they hear about me. I have to admit, I got a little giddy inside, like a school girl. 

Jack was pissed and ID was ranting and raving like usual. Anything to make her son look like the upstanding citizen he is. Then Witless decided to talk to Jack’s brother’s fiancé about how I have no room to talk about what Jack did when I did the same thing. Hahhahahaha this went on for a few days. It is still being brought up. Ahhh sweet revenge!!

Without further ado....

I have decided to put faces with all the names on this site. I know you are very excited :)

Me (Raquel)

Jack

 Witless (this is seriously a spitting image of her)

Whoreen

Newcomers!

I decided to add some people to the mix since they have tons of drama and it makes me laugh.

Mindless and John- They are married, separated, back together, separated, back together again, and separated again. Who knows with this couple. I met them through Jack. Mindless and Whoreen used to be besties. That should tell you a lot about Mindless. Their friendship-break up is pretty humorous.

Dick- This is Jack’s best friend. Well, at least that is what they say to people. They don’t really hang out that much because Witless has Jack on lockdown.

Mindless and Dick hooked up several years ago and caused the first separation of Mindless and Dick. Ever since then, Mindless has been obsessed with John.

Mindless is one of those girls that has that annoying, piercing sound that makes you want to gouge out your own eyes. I wouldn’t say Mindless is ugly but she isn’t hot. She resembles a famous character and it shows when she smiles. I have attached a picture and you can guess which famous character she resembles.

Yes, I am going to hell for all this. The reason why I brought up Mindless is for the following story.

Since Mindless and John are separated and no longer living together, Mindless wants to go out and have fun on her bday. She wants to go out dancing and I am invited. Yay! We decide to hit up a local bar before hitting the dance floor. The entire time we are at the bar she is talking about John or the married guy she is talking to. Go figure she is talking to a married guy. The best part about her talking to the married guy is that she thinks that he will leave his wife for her and they will live happily ever after and she sees nothing wrong with that. Who am I to shatter her dreams?

Prior to wanting to go out, she made a comment about wanting to meet guys but she doesn’t want to just meet a guy at a bar and end up at his house. She is not a whore and doesn’t just want to hook up with just anyone because she has only slept with about 5 people her entire life. Somehow, my bullshit meter starts to go off when she mentioned the number of guys she has slept with, but whatever, not my problem.

Once we hit the club, she starts meeting a few guys. I am the best wing man/woman, EVER. If you want to meet someone, I will help you. I will help you seal the deal. This hot guy comes along and starts hitting on Mindless. She is reluctant at first so I take it upon myself to move the process along for her. Of course it works and they are making out on the dance floor. Surprise surprise. 

Next thing I know, she is getting his address and wants to head over to his house after the bar closes. Ahh, that means I get to tag along. The downside of being an amazing wing woman. We get to this house and I get the opportunity to talk to his roommate who is beyond trashed. We weren’t even there for 15 minutes when Mindless’s boytoy comes out of the room putting on his pants. Wow…two pump chump? Nope…. He mentions that he has a girlfriend and Mindless freaks out. Next thing I know, Mindless is coming out of the room with blood on her face saying, “Let’s go NOW.” Hahahah

Of course, I have to know what is going on. Her version was that they were getting it on when he mentioned he felt bad because he had a girlfriend and then she ended it right there. Now, although I resemble a guy; I am not a guy, but I can pretty much assume that a guy that hot isn’t going to crying about feeling bad for cheating. Especially since he was already in her. Apparently, that was his way of ending what was going on. Something about Mindless had to turn him off or set off an alarm to abruptly end the free sex session.

As, for the blood, she was freaking out the entire ride home. “Why would I have blood on my face? OMG, I just went down on him and made out with him”. I would be freaking out about the blood as well but I wouldn’t have put myself in that situation of going around fucking any guy that talks to me at a bar. I always think of ID when I have temptations. Stops me straight in my tracks.

I tell her to ask him about the blood, not that he would tell her the truth. I also tell her to get tested if she is that concerned. After going on and on about that blood and saying how she knew that she should have never went home with him yadi yadi ya, he texts her back and said he just had a nose bleed. Hahhahahah good save buddy.

Chester the Molester?

Once again, craigslist has provided me with endless entertainment. I came across this dude and already thought of chomo.

He has the classic pedosmile and screams creeper. Just thought I would share. Enjoy!

Finally!

I finally received child support! Yesss! Since I am such a horrible mother, you know what that means! I'm getting my nails and hair did!

Hopeless romantic seeking girl with no guy friends....

This guy is constantly posting on craigslist. I am going to say he posts 3-5 times a day. Yes, a day.

Title: Attractive, fit male searching for cuddling, affection, and romance! - 27 (South Scottsdale)

My name is Chris and I am originally from Portland, Oregon but I recently moved to Scottsdale, Arizona on May 10th and absolutely love it so far. As far as work goes I own my own business as a professional web designer and graphic artist. I own my own company and work from home doing so. I am very successful with my business and it is something I am truly grateful for. I'm a bit of a homebody, there's nothing I love more than cuddling up in bed and watching a movie together while getting lost in each others eyes.

I have a 23lb French Bulldog who is 9 months old. I haven't named him yet so in the meantime I've just been calling him 'Frenchie'. I'll come up with a good name soon though I hope! I like taking him to the dog park, playing fetch with him, and going on walks.

Health and fitness are by far my biggest hobby and a huge part of my life. I have been bodybuilding for the past 7 years now and I have made amazing accomplishments in regards to my progress and physique. I am a competitive bodybuilder and compete in bodybuilding / figure competitions which is something I very much enjoy. I love bodybuilding and training, however it doesn't leave me much time to meet people, especially those who are committed to a healthy life style and self-improvement. When I'm prepping for a contest I follow a super strict diet and never cheat at all. In the off season though I will cheat a few times per week. When I do cheat I love going out to places like The Old Spaghetti Factory, PF Changs, and others. I'm hoping to meet someone who enjoys being healthy and active and won't mind my sometimes strict diets or going to the gym with me as well. I am also a nationally certified personal trainer which is something I'm very proud of as well.

As you can tell by my photos I am also a huge fan of motorcycles. I ride every single day and I am also an avid track racer as well. My current bike is a 2005 Kawasaki Ninja ZX-10R. Of all the bikes I've ever owned (and believe me that's a lot) I have to say that this is by far the best one. It's almost better than sex, literally!

I'm the kind of guy who will send you a sweet text message telling you how much I love you or miss you literally right after we got off the phone with each other. I want a girl who is the same way in that aspect. Someone who just won't be able to get enough of me just like I won't be able to get ahold of her. I'd like a girl who when I ask her "when do you want to hangout?" will tell me "right now" or "tonight" instead of trying to make plans with me days or weeks from now. I want someone who wants to see me that bad that they just can't wait.

I'm probably the only guy (especially around here) you'll ever meet who does not drink (not even on occasion), smoke, or do drugs. I also am not the kind of guy who goes to bars, parties, or clubs. Personally I don't see how spending tons of money on alcohol, getting wasted, and then waking up the next morning feeling like crap can be any fun at all. Then again, that's just my opinion. I'm not religious at all, these are just personal choices I've made.

I have the most amazing family in the world who I care for very much (especially my mother). I'm very, very close with my family to say the least.

As far as looks go I am not too picky. I don't like girls who always have to wear skimpy outfits and show off as I'm a bit more 'low key'. I'm not much into the 'fake' look. By that I mean the typical girls you see so much around Arizona with the orange tan, platinum blonde fake hair, fake nails, etc. Moreover I prefer girls who are naturally cute and wear little to no makeup, a girl who looks pretty naturally without having to be 'fake'. I also like a girl who is shorter than me (I'm 5'9). I have never been much into the ridiculously skinny barbie type, but at the same time I'm not into 'huge' girls either, I think there is a happy medium to be honest. I've dated girls ranging from size 0 to size 13 so don't assume just because I look a certain way that I only go for a certain type because you're completely wrong if you think that. I would never refuse to date someone just because they fell under one of the things I mentioned above, I'm just listing what I prefer, that's all. To me there is so much more to a relationship than just looks. Sure, looks do matter some, but that's just a small part of it.

DISCLAIMER: I must warn you, aside from my hopeless romantic side I also have a very kinky/naughty side. I very much enjoy sex (especially when it's with someone I love) and I consider myself very adventurous and kinky in the bedroom (it is a form of affection after all). I feel that an amazing sex life is part of the foundation for a lasting relationship. That being said, if you consider yourself to be prude, not into sex, or just plain and vanilla in the bedroom, well I probably wouldn't be your guy. Sex is supposed to be fun, not boring. The only reason I am really being upfront about this is because I am tired of being in relationships where the sex is incredibly boring.

I HAVE NO INTEREST IN DATING ANYONE WHO DRINKS (even if it's just a glass of wine on occasion) smokes, does drugs, goes out to clubs, bars, ]or if you have friends who are guys. Those are my only real deal breakers so I figure I should put them out there. Please get this through your head before you email me. I'm getting very frustrated of getting emails from girls who drink (or anything else I mentioned) and ask me to make an exception. Also, if you spell like this "WuTz uP BbY wE sHuLd HaNg OuT uR hAwT!" then don't even bother writing me. I have no time for illiterate people who can't even communicate like a normal person. It probably takes more brain power to spell retarded like that then it would to actually talk normal -- bottom line, you're an IDIOT. We all have our preferences and these are mine. I'm not going to make any exceptions at all because I am not going to settle for less, sheesh!

I would like to meet a girl who will fall asleep with me every single night tightly embraced in my arms with her head pressed against my chest and her leg thrown over mine as I gently run my fingers through her hair, kiss her forehead ever so lightly, and whisper sweet things in her ear until she falls asleep, right there in my arms where she belongs.

Every single morning she will wake in my arms right where she fell asleep and as she slowly opens her eyes I'll use my finger to point to eyes, then my heart, and then to her before I softly whisper in her ear how much I love her. We will hold each other, cuddle, and get lost in each others eyes until we are both fully awake. We will then get in the shower, wash each other, kiss, and go on with our day.
If she has to go to work we will exchange sweet text messages and phone calls all day long while we are apart. As soon as she is off work she will rush home to me and we will hold each other as if we've been away from one another for years. I'll tell her how much I missed her and she will tell me how much she couldn't stand being away from me.

I want someone who needs me to breathe just like they need air. I want someone who can't stand to be away from me even for a few minutes. I want a girl who will hold my hand everywhere we go (even in the car), and do sweet little things like give me kisses in the car when we're stuck at long stop lights. I want someone who loves PDA and affection and can't live without physical touch.

I would like a girl who will not only be my best friend but also my lover. Someone who will live with me and do everything with me just as if we are best friends but so much more. I want a girl who will truly make me her first priority and put me before everything else in her life just as I will do the same for her.
I want a fairly tale romance. A love so pure and so true that it rivals that of anything found in the most romantic of movies or books. I want someone who can effortlessly put their feelings into words and tell me how they feel. I want a girl who will never be afraid to just look me in the eyes and spill her heart to me. I want someone who is clingy and needy and understands that I am the same way.

I want a girl who will go everywhere with me, do everything with me, and let me spend the rest of my entire life showing her how much I love her and just how much she means to me. I want a girl who will dream about sweet things like getting married on the beach during the sunset with me, taking bubble baths in the candle light together, and having a family and kids one day who we will love so much.

I'm the kind of guy who will send you a sweet text message telling you how much I love you or miss you literally right after we got off the phone with each other. I want a girl who is the same way in that aspect. Someone who just won't be able to get enough of me just like I won't be able to get ahold of her. I'd like a girl who when I ask her "when do you want to hangout?" will tell me "right now" or "as soon as possible" instead of trying to make plans with me days or weeks from now. I want someone who wants to see me that bad that they just can't wait.

I don't believe in the kind of love where people say you 'learn to love' because to me that is not love at all. I will know this girl when I meet her because it will truly be love at first sight. The way she looks at me will be the dead give away and the way I look at her will tell her the same. I'll look at her as if I've never even seen another woman and she will look at me the same. From the moment we first meet we will be head over heals for each other. We'll be inseparable from the very first date, staying the night with each other every single night, moving in together, getting married, and spending the rest of our lives sharing a love that most people never even knew existed.

Anyways, I'm more of an in person conversation kind of guy so I can read body language, talk face-to-face, and get to know each other the right way. That being said, let's keep the emails to a minimum and meet somewhere in person right from the get go! Not two days from now, not this weekend, not next week, but TODAY!

Feel free to check out my Facebook at www.facebook.com/chrisjum or my MySpace at www.myspace.com/kawi_chris if you're interested.

I think I literally threw up in my mouth reading this bullshit. Now, I am not saying that men can’t be hopeless romantics, but he sounds like a chick. What guy out there wants to be around a girl that much and what girl wants to be around someone that much.  Don’t get me wrong, he is a good looking guy but there has to be something wrong with him if he is posting on craigslist several times a day and wants to be joined at the hip all the time. I can’t even text my boyfriend all day long. I need my space.

Second, it’s great that he doesn’t drink or anything but not wanting a girl that wants an occasional glass of wine is a little extreme. Not to mention the friends who guys aspect. I have tons of guy friends. Just because we are friends doesn’t mean I want to hook up with them. They are friends for a reason. Sounds like he has some real self-esteem and jealousy issues.

I decided to email him and introduce myself to see if we could get something started.

Hi Chris,

I am glad that I came across your ad. It is very rare to find a guy that possesses all the qualities that you have mentioned in your ad. I, myself, am into bodybuilding as well. I used to be very big into body building until  all the roids I was taking was making me very man like with a manly voice. I don’t know about you, but that isn’t all that attractive. I stopped taking steroids about a year ago and have started to look more like a female. For the past few months, I have been taking tons of estrogen hormones and I am becoming more feminine looking each day. I would also like to state that the steroid days are well behind me and I keep up with weight training the natural way. Live and learn is what I always say. Right?!?!

I am glad that you mentioned that sex needs to be fun. I understand that all too well. My ex boyfriend was very boring in the sack and it led me to seek alternative methods of enjoyment. When he realized I was seeking sex elsewhere, he begged and pleaded with me that he would do anything to keep me. I thought about this for a moment and decided to take him up on this offer. I have an abundant amount of sex toys to help keep sex interesting. One of my all-time toys is my purple colored strap-on. My ex was a little leery of  trying this at first but after a few minutes of convincing him, he was game. The first time we tried this, he cried the whole time. I think it is because he finally realized how beautiful sex could be if he tried new things. However, I am not sure that was the case because he left me a note the day he dumped me telling me how I de-manned him for wanting to have butt sex with him all the time. Who knew. Either way, I am with you about wanting to keep sex interesting and hope my example illustrates that.

Moving on, your post brought a tear to my eye. I have always wanted to have a boyfriend that I could text all day long at work, even though I have many other important things to take care of. I am more than happy to put down whatever I am doing to text you all day long. I am also the type of girl that will keep texting until you answer. If you don’t answer in a few seconds, I get extremely worried. I will text a few more times just to make sure you received the message. After about a minute, I get upset. Do you still want to be with me? Have you found another woman? Are you rethinking our relationship? I just can’t take it anymore. Then I send text after text pleading with you to stay with me. Afterall, I want you to know that you I am constantly thinking of you.

I am also a big fan of leaving little notes EVERYWHERE for you to find. The bathroom mirror, the toilet, on your pillow, in the fridge, inside your coffee mug, on the front door, in your wallet, a sweet stitching job on your favorite pair of jeans, and so on. The things I do for the one I love are endless. I want you to be happy.

I can go on and on over your ad, but I will end this email for now. I want to make sure there are more things to talk about when I pick up for dinner at 5pm tonight.

XOXO,

Raqui

Chris never emailed me back :(

One of my all time favorite stories about ID

As we all know, ID has the HIV. This makes it a little more difficult to find a quality guy. However, being that she has the HIV, she has been married like 93749837 times. Most of those guys actually did not have the HIV. Weird… I am pretty sure I would not be married to someone who had AIDS when I did not. But whatever, everyone has their preferences.

One of ID’s husbands was named Bobby, Bill, Billy Bob, or whatever. This is what he looked like. 

Because he is quite a catch and extremely good looking, she felt that she had to do everything for him. The biggest kicker was that he did not have the HIV. He was even willing to hit it without any protection. What a brave, brave man.

They were together for about 4 years I believe in a house they had just bought. That house had a garage that Billy Bob kept locked with a padlock from inside the house. I don’t know about you, but if I was married to this amazing man, I would want to know what was in the garage that I was unable to access. However, ID never tried to figure out what was in the garage because she loved him and trusted him.

Finally, the truth came out of what was in the garage and why it was locked. Are you ready for this? This is great. This is yet another story I would not want to share with anyone, in fear of looking like a complete jackass.  Drum roll please……

Billy Bob had another woman living in the garage! What the fuck?!?! How the hell did ID not know there was another woman living in the garage. I thought she was kidding about this story. I mean, I knew she was stupid, but come on. I went ahead and asked his children, Whoreen, and anyone else I can think of. She really was that stupid and had no idea there was another woman living in her garage. FUCKING CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!!!

Picture of ID

I took the liberty to finally show you a picture of what ID looks like.

Would you hit this?

One of my favorite past times is trolling around on craigslist to see what is out there. The personal ads are my personal favorite and I am sure you know why. They people are ridiculous and crack me up. The following ad is from the women seeking men section. I was unable to email her because she was flagged right away but I was able to save the important information.

Her ad:

Titled: Hot Mama

Hello. :))) ..I am 5.8...200p...braun eyes...I am like cook,clen,danc,go aut me frends.I am a fan,end heppy person.I am a smoker.I like nise,cool,fan,inteligent man.U interested send me pic.:)))) 

First of all, what is braun eyes? Is that brown? Not to mention the bad grammar and spelling in this ad. I am assuming she is foreign. Second, the pictures. I am not bashing on the first one as much as I am the second picture. The problem I have with the second picture is that those calves do not belong to a the girl in the first picture. 5’8 200 pounds is a big girl. Unless you are a body builder, 200 lbs on a 5’8 chick is what I would call chunky. You can tell from the first pic that she is a big girl. Then you look at the second picture and the calves look like they belong to a body builder or someone very much into fitness. I understand that bigger girls have nice calves but they are usually bigger calves due to the amount of weight they have to hold up. The picture she has up actually looks good. I guess she could be one of the people that carry all her weight in the mid section, but who knows. So my question to you is, would you?

I finally received hate mail!!

I got my first official hate mail yesterday afternoon! After that, they just kept coming. I am very excited for this. Thank you! Please keep them coming. You may reach me at dirtytoolalert@gmail.com.

The following is the my first official hate mail:

So i've read through some of this blog that i found. I'm now convinced that the whole soddy lot of you.. every last person you talk about in this blog (including yourself) need to be locked away and all your kids placed in foster care. if all these rants are true, none of your are fit to be a parent, let alone a decent human being.

You all are everything that is wrong with society. worthless loser people with kids who do nothing but bitch and moan about everything.

You like to think you are some smart intelligent and strong woman but your writing reveals you as a ignorant, stupid blow-hard. you like to embrace the fact that you can "be a bitch sometimes" but it just makes you a terrible person. you are a terrible person. and as much as you like to bash the "parenting skills" of the sperm donor, you are probably a terrible mother too.

i feel really bad for the kids. mommy is a bitch and daddy is a moron so they'll need therapy when they get older and have no idea of what a healthy relationship is because they never witnessed one.

Dear reader,

Thank you for your kind email. I am glad you enjoyed my blog.  While I have no idea what soddy means, I will assume it is a term of endearment and appreciate you taking time out from your day to contact me with such.

I do understand how you might find these rants to be untrue, but let me assure you they are real. I am rather creative and can use my imagination to the fullest but I am not this creative. I do remember being in grade school and having to write a creative assignment due to misbehaving in the classroom. Yes, I know you find it hard to believe that I was misbehaving in the classroom but I had to write a 5 page story and present it to class. I wrote my masterpiece while I was in afterschool detention and read it to the class the next day. My teacher told me that I was very creative and I have real talent. Although, the story was about mythical creatures and such, I do not have the ability to or the imagination to make up what I write about in my blog.

Also, I see where you coming from about not being a fit parent or a decent human being. I am not able to provide for my daughter because we live on the streets and I have taught her how to find food through the various of dumpsters located around the valley. However, I am able to buy a computer in order to blog about all these experiences. But living on the streets isn’t all that bad. We have a nice box set up under a bridge downtown with all the other homeless bums. We are like one big family that help each other out. Big Paul is like the father figure my daughter has never had. He taught her how to pick pocket and scam people using her big, pretty brown eyes. My daughter is really fond of him.

You also brought up a valid point about having children and doing nothing but bitch and moan. While, I would like to agree with you here, I only have one child and I do not bitch and moan about everything. See, I do eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, and teach my daughter valuable lessons about how to survive on the street. I only bitch and moan for the amount of time Starbucks allows me in their store to use their wifi before customers start complaining about my stench and I am asked to leave. I didn’t mention anything about having time to take showers because it is rather difficult to take showers while you are living on the streets. We are too busy collecting your garbage and pop cans that there is no time during the day to actually shower.

I would also like to point out that I do not see myself as  “some smart intelligent and strong woman but your writing reveals you as a ignorant, stupid blow-hard”. If I was a smart, intelligent, and strong woman, I wouldn’t be living on the streets. But I do pride myself in using correct grammar and punctuation, like commas. Is stupid blow-hard another term of endearment? Thank you. Also, I never bragged about “being a bitch sometimes”. I don’t brag about being a bitch. It is just something people call me. I like to think of it as giving me a compliment. Reminds me of a time when one of my teachers told me I would never amount to anything. Well look at me know.

Regards,

Me

P.S. I only have one child. So the kids you are talking about are not all mine. But thank you again for the email.

FAQs

I have been receiving a lot of emails from readers asking me questions about my blog entries and some back history to everything. I have compiled some of the most asked questions and decided to answer them in a blog.

Why does Jack have to pay child support?

          Jack + Me = Baby. Need I say more?

Who decided that Jack should pay child support?

          The courts felt it was necessary for Jack to help support his child. Go figure.

How is Jack paying for child support?

          He isn’t.

Why does Jack owe back child support?

          While Jack was over populating the state of Arizona with children he can’t afford, I was supporting our daughter by MYSELF. The courts felt it was necessary for him to pay for the year he neglected.

Why is Jack mad about paying back child support?

          Who knows.

Why is Witless upset about having to pay child support to you?

          I have no idea. Apparently, it is not okay to make a father own up to his responsibilities. However, it isn’t like he is paying his child support and when he was it wasn’t enough to support a household like she claims.

Does she have a right to be mad?

          Totally. I should be providing for my daughter all on my own.

Why is ID mad that you get child support?

          I am guessing because she has to cover for the amount that he has to pay me or maybe it’s the fact that it reflects on what a terrible mother she was.

Does she have the right to be mad?

          That’s like asking if she has the right to be mad about contracting the HIV…..

Why does she think you don’t deserve any child support?

          Because I am a homewrecker :( Whoreen and Jack would still be together if I wasn’t such a whore. I’m sorry guys… I hope you can forgive me for breaking up the love you had for each other.

Why were you with Jack for so long?

          Because he was hung like a porn star and amazing in bed…. Hahahhaha okay…. I can’t keep a straight face typing this up.

Why did you two break up?

          I am a psycho bitch that can’t control her anger. Go figure.

Why did it take you so long to figure out what a loser her is?

          I didn’t want to lose the best sex partner I have ever had :(

Why is Jack so upset with you?

          I ruined his life… *tear*

Why is Jack so pissed about paying child support?

          It reminds him of how he fails at life.

Does he have a reason to be mad?

          Yes, he works extremely hard for his money and it is shame that most of his paycheck goes to pay for his previous children when he has two at home to take care of.

How many children does Jack have?

          Three and one of the way.

How many baby mamas does Jack has?

           Three…. That we all know of.

Why is Jack so pissed about back child support?

          Because he effed himself on that one. It is a great story and will make a great blog! Thanks for the idea.

How long has he known Witless?

          I have no idea. Sometime around Feb 2009 when we were working on our relationship. However, the story of Witless getting pregnant two weeks after we officially were done and how they got married two weeks after that is a great one to tell the kids. I laugh every time.

Is Witless really as dumb as you portray her to be?

          No, I make it all up to provide high quality entertainment… hahha… I don’t even think I can make up the shit she does or says. This reminds me of another blog I can write about a person I know who knows her. These questions are great. You guys are great!

What is Whoreen’s involvement in all this?

To cause as much drama as possible and to come out looking like an angel. She is the best baby mama EVER!!! I should learn from her.

You sound like a bitter ex. Why are you so bitter?

           Wouldn't you be bitter if you lost a great catch like Jack?

If you have anymore questions, send them my way. I will be more than happy to answer them.

Yes, I am so bitter...

I understand, that by reading my blog, I might sound like a bitter ex that just needs to shut the fuck up. But that isn’t the case. I don’t expect for the many people out there, that do not know me, to realize how awesome I am.  If you do not know me personally, it is hard to understand where I am coming from or how I present myself.  However, let me reassure you that I am not bitter. I blog all in fun. I might be pissed at my ex and his wife at the moment but I am incapable of staying mad. If you knew me, you would know what a genius I am or how funny these blogs actually are.


 

Apparently, I am a dumbass.

If you are going to tell me child support has been taken out of your check, don’t lie. That lie will catch up to you.

Jack decides to tell me that child support for Whoreen and myself and been taken out of his check. This isn’t the first time he has said this to me. Last time he said it, I never received it.  When I notified Jack that I have not received any child support and it has been two weeks since it was “taken” out of his check, he doesn’t care. Surprise surprise.  Jack says, “Well it was taken out of my check so it is probably floating around the system.” Seriously? It is just floating around?  Yeah, okay.

When I am talking to Jack about child support this time, I asked him how much was taken out. He tells me that two child support payments have been taken out and he can’t guarantee who they will go to because he our names are not linked to the deductions from his check.

Yes, my readers, he is really this dumb. Well dickball, you have two baby mamas and you pay both of us two different amounts. When I asked how much was taken out, he didn’t know. I told him how much I am supposed to get and then he magically knew how much was taken out of his check. Do you really think I am this stupid? I debunk all your other lame ass attempts to lie to me, what makes you think that you can pull a fast one on me this time?

Child Support Update

Yeah..... still no child support. Surprise surprise!!!

ID’s version of contracting the HIV

We are on our way back from dominating the horse races when I finally asked ID how she contracted the HIV. I wasn’t ready for the story she was about to tell me.

She was married to this guy who did shady stuff. While she was home taking care of the kids and making dinner, he was out banging prostitutes. One day he came home, all bloody in his package area, and wanted to do it doggy style with her right then and there. Okay. So I don’t know if it was doggy style… but her story is not as entertaining. Instead of asking him to clean himself up like any other respectable person would, she abides by his wishes. And that my friends, is how she contracted the HIV… in her own words.

I am not okay with this story and immediately start asking her questions. And yes, my memory is still good. One because I remember this convo like it was yesterday and two, I have all these wonderful stories in a journal.

Me- You slept with him while he was still bloody?

ID- I had no choice. When he wanted to have sex, he wanted to have sex.

Me- You didn’t think about asking him to clean up?

ID- I just told you, I had no choice (in a defensive voice).

Me- You didn’t ask him where the blood was from.

ID- I didn’t want to know. Well in that case, you deserve everything you got. Quit trying to get sympathy points from people due to your lack of judgment.

Me- Well, I would want to know where the blood was from, especially if it was known that he was hooking up with hookers.

By this time, she is upset with me. I asked too many questions and didn’t go with the flow like anyone else. I also made her feel like a complete fool. The rest of the ride home…. Silence.  I had so many questions. Does he actually have the HIV? We just saw him and he doesn’t look like a walking timebomb. Does she know that he is going around accusing him of contracting the HIV from him? Who the fuck would tell this story? I would much rather say I was a hooker on Van Burean than give up that information. If he gave her the HIV why is she still buddy buddy with him? I would put his ass into jail if I contracted the HIV from him. I definitely wouldn’t be calling him for tea and crumpets every day. Am I the only fucking sane person? So many gaps in her story.

Later, I find out from Dopie (the ex-husbands daughter) that he has never been tested for HIV. Which explains why he doesn’t take any meds. He has no idea if he has the HIV ( I am going to guess no) and ID is going around accusing him of giving her this death sentence.

The best part is when I was taking to Whoreen about the story, it was the first time she heard that version. ID openly admits to Whoreen that she has no idea where she contracted the HIV from. Seriously? If you are going to make up a story, keep the same story and don’t tell a story that is going to make you look like a dumbass.I would be embarrassed to share that story with ANYONE.