I am sorry I runined your life...

Dear Ex-Fiance,

I should be on my knees begging you to come back because you were the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was stupid enough to think I was actually good enough for you. I have done a lot of soul searching and have finally come to the realization that I was the problem this entire time. So please accept my apology since I am the one that ruined your life. Allow me to list the ways that I have screwed up:

1. I am sorry I got knocked up. I thought being on birth control was the safe route. Apparently it wasn’t. I am also sorry for mistaking the words “I want to take advantage of you” for thinking you wanted to sleep with me. I should have just known that I am a whore at heart and will always be one.

2. Sorry for always thinking of myself instead of others. It was selfish of me to get mad every weekend you wanted to go out while I stayed home watching your first child while I was pregnant. How inconsiderate of me to bitch about staying home every weekend while you go out and have a “guys night”. I should have known you wanted to keep your options open just in case you met another person you wanted to knock up. I mean, what was I thinking? We were only having a baby and planning about getting married. I should have known that it was open season for you to gallivant all over town with random women.

3. It was extremely sill of me to think you actually liked me because you wanted to spend every waking minute with me. I mean spending the night at each other’s apartments could have meant anything.

4. It was ridiculous for me to interpret the saying “I love you” as meaning you actually loved me. Boy, am I red in the face!!! I now know that it meant that you loved sticking your penis in me until you found another willing vagina.

5. I am humiliated to actually think we were “serious” after you bought me an expensive, huge pink sapphire rink for engagement ring. I bet you do that with all the girls.

6. I am sorry I didn’t make a fuss when you wet the bed while it saturated my leg and seeped through my mattress. I didn’t want to embarrass you and thought it was appropriate to keep it as our little inside joke. I should have called attention to the fact that you can’t control your bladder throughout the night. A nice girl would have told all your friends and then laugh hysterically at your expense.

7. I can’t believe I was so lazy not to have the house clean after I had an emergency c-section when you came home. Cleaning up your filthy mess was more important than listening to the all the doctors’ advice right? They only went to medical school and have performed hundreds of c-sections that couldn’t possibly know that it takes 6 weeks to fully heal from a c-section. After all, I should have taken more Tylenol 3 if I was in that much pain. Again, I was selfish.

8. I feel ashamed that I put the girls first before your own needs. That killer pimped-out golf cart was more important than providing the girls with food and clothes. I am sorry I questioned you. It did look good just sitting in our garage for several months.

9. When I got accepted to graduate school, I am sorry I didn’t consult with you first. I was thinking about bettering my education as well as getting a high salary to provide you with all the necessities. You know like a 60 inch flat screen, the new hummer, and a toy hauler. Girls with intelligence are such a drag.

10. I can’t believe I had the nerve to make a big deal out of you blowing all our Christmas money at the bar on Christmas Eve. After all, if money was that big of an issue and not having any money to play Santa for the girls, I should have planned ahead. I should have taken the appropriate actions, like taking up a job on the corner in order to buy gifts for the girls. You are entitled to blow your money whenever you want on alcohol and chicks, especially on Christmas Eve. My actions were inappropriate.

11. How dare I call up the bank and report your debit card stolen after spending over $2000 in 2 months and taking out $100 for the Cardinals NFC Championship game after I told you no more than $50. I mean how many times do the Cardinals actually make it to the NFC Championship game? I should have been more considerate to the fact that your team made it that far and you wanted to celebrate their success. You are a loyal fan.

12. I am appalled that I broke up with you after I found out you were sneaking around with another girl. I should have listened to your mother when she said you were a social butterfly and that there was nothing wrong with talking to random women you met at bars. Your mom knows you better than anyone else and I am ashamed that I disregarded what she said. I mean anyone who contracted HIV from sleeping around knows all about this sort of thing and is a reliable source. Girls with dignity are such a downer.

13. I should have turned myself into the police for stealing your car. That was my only mode of transportation for my daughter and I and I should have been more thoughtful to the fact that it was in your name. How dare I wait for you to make a false report to the police. I also can’t believe that I had the nerve to ask for the truck back. Even though, I put $2000 down on it and co-signed, it was ludicrous for me to ask for it in exchange for your car.

14. Asking you to pay child support was out of line. I should have taken all the months I didn’t pay the car payment and write that off your child support tab. You have another baby on the way and I should have never have burdened you with the fact that your daughter needed clothes and food.

15. Contacting your girlfriend at the time was inappropriate. Everyone knows that they want to marry after knowing each other for a month. Silly me to think that it is necessary for your new wife to meet our daughter before you get married. Our daughter is only two, she will like everyone. My bad. I can’t believe I made such a ridiculous request.

So when you decided to tell me that I was a psycho crazy bitch and you never wanted me around your first daughter ever again, I am sorry I screwed things up so badly.
I should have known all actions above would be the death of us. Now I have to live with the knowledge that your wife is now the lucky owner of “your magic stick” and now legally responsible for your debt.

XOXO

Baby mama #2